Sikkimese Bhutia Marriage Custom & Rites.

Copyright© S.G. Dokhampa.

Bhutia or Denjongpa community of Sikkim has its own unique custom of marriage which differs from the custom of other brethrens Bhutias of the Himalayan countries. Sikkimese Bhutia has five different stages in the complete procedure of a marriage. The procedure begins with Thi-chang or inquiry formalities, then Kha-chang or proposal formalities, Nang-chang, the engagement and Nyen and Tashi changthung or the wedding ceremony.

The knowledge of “Rueh” (Caste) “Khung” (Clan) of the parties seeking matrimonial alliance is prerequisite of the marriage. Marriage cannot take place among the relatives. Proper verification of the clan and background is of utmost importance before finalization of matrimonial alliance. However, marriage is allowed after fifth generation from paternal side and three generation from maternal side. But common clan cannot be married.

If anyone contravenes the above code of customary they are liable to be excommunicated from Denjongpa or Lhopo Community or banished from the region and declared “Dompi Domna”. The minimum marriageable age adopted by the Sikkimese Bhutia is 15 year for both male and female. Minor marriage tradition is not in practice in Sikkimese Bhutia community. Now a days, the Sikkimese follows the marriageable age according to the age of majority as codified by the court of law.

The marriage involves a number of rituals and formalities in the absence of which it cannot enjoy legal sanctity or acceptance by the society.

1.      THI-CHANG: (inquiry formalities)

When the parents of the boy decides to get their son married, they look for a suitable girl, to whom they arrange to send the boy’s maternal uncle/paternal uncle with a bottle of wine and khada (traditional scarf) to enquire if the maternal uncle of the girl is willing to have his niece married. The uncle of the girl replies that he will consult the girl’s parent. If the family of the girl comes to an understanding to have their girl married, the horoscope of the girl is given to the maternal uncle of the boy who then visits an astrologer to match the horoscope of the boy and the girl. If the horoscope does not match and proves harmful to them, the proposal is dropped.

2.      KHACHANG: (proposal or agreement)

If the horoscope matches and is found favourable, a team of 04 persons inclusive of maternal uncle of the prospective groom, (as a mediator) paternal uncle and the groom approach the parents of the girl to seek their consent for their daughter’s hand in marriage with the prospective groom. In Khachang procedure, the party takes following gifts.

a)      A Jaril or Tea leaf

b)      Tsamtruk chi (a basket of puffed rice)

c)      A bottle of wine

d)      A token cash of Rs. 108/-

e)      A long traditional scarf (Khada)

(Above gifts from (a) to (b) are introductory gifts and (c) to (e) are proposal gifts).

Next day, after the proposal has been accepted, the groom goes to the girl’s maternal uncle to offer “Aaya Seygo” or a special gift consist of cooked hen and rice along with soup to thank him for mediating the proposal to get through.

3.      NANG-CHANG: (Engagement)

On acceptance of Khachang, the parents of the prospective groom visits the astrologer to fix the date for the Nangchang and on the proceeding day for the Nangchang the party takes the following gifts:

a)      Cash of Rs. 11,00/- as a Rinphue or token advance for bride’s price

b)      Phagro khokpa chi or a dressed pork

c)      Chumkhye Nyi (40 kg rice)

d)      Changkhye Nyi (40 kg millet beer)

e)      A sack of puffed rice.

f)       Tea leaf 1 kg.

g)      Butter 1 kg.

h)      A long Ashi Khada ( Traditional Scarf)

i)        Gift packages to all relatives.

A. Nearest senor relatives are entitled to get 04 items of gifts as mentioned below:

(1) A dressed chicken.

(2) A bottle of wine.

(3) A basket of Chadung Byasu (cookie made of corn).

(4) A bag of fine rice with a Khada.

B. Other relatives inclusive of the brothers & the sisters older than the bride gets 03 items as shown below:

(1) Two kg pork.

(2) A bottle of wine.

(3) A basket of Zhedro (cookie made of rice powder) with a khada.

Note:  If younger sister is getting married while the elder sister is still unmarried then the elder should be honoured with an extra gift as ‘Lungta Thushe’ preferably 03 items as mentioned above.    

When the formalities are completed, the ‘Jo’ or a Shamanist priest performs a ‘Khelen’ ritual with a jar of millet beer and burning incense to signifying the marriage tie by invoking the ancestral deities and the family protector deities to cast the blessings. As soon as this ritual is over, the elderly ladies of the village assemble in a room in order to finalize Rinzo, which refers to bride’s price. After a round of formal discussion they fix the bride’s price, which is normally charged in tollas of gold. The quantum of gold finalized as ‘RINZO’ or bride’s price is then conveyed to the maternal uncle of the groom or the groom’s party. If the quantum of gold charged is a bit too much for the boy’s party then the boy’s maternal uncle or the mediator can negotiate to bring it down to nominal. After the negotiations are settled, the feasting begins with pork lunch and drinks of millet beer. This event is celebrated with village elders, blood relatives and of course the woman folks of the respective village only. No males other than village elders are allowed to participate in this event. After completion of the Nangchang, the party returns while the groom is left at the girl’s house to work for a period of two years to gain confidence of the girl’s parent.

4.      NYEN OR FIRST PART OF WEDDING:

 Nyen or marriage is normally conducted in two parts. The first part of the marriage ceremony takes place at the girl’s house. After expiry of two years term, if the situation went well, the girl’s party fixes an auspicious day for the marriage ceremony with the help of an astrologer after taking into consideration the convenience of the boy’s parents. However, it is customary to bear all marriage feasting items by the boy’s party. As such the items listed as under are required to be arranged by the boy’s parents:

Nyenkang or Nyendhoe or Items:

a)      Gold for Rinzo (Bride’s price) as per the agreement drawn during Nangchang.

b)      A set of traditional dress for the bridge.

c)      A whole bull or cash equivalent to the bull’s value.

d)      Rice 60 kg.

e)      Chang or millet beer 60 kg.

f)       Puffed rice 2 sacks.

g)      Tea leaf 2 kg.

h)      Butter 2 kg.

i)        Millet flour 1 kg.

j)        Salt 1 kg.

k)      A long Ashi Khada.

Gifts to senior members of the house.

1.Ajo Anyo: (Grandfather & Grandmother)

a.       A dressed chicken.

b.      A bottle of wine

c.       A bag of fine rice

d.      A basket of Cookie (Chadung byasu)

e.       A Khada.

            2. Amoi Shori : (Mother’s gift)

                  a.       A bottle of milk

b.      A dressed chicken

c.       A set of dress

d.      A Khada (traditional scarf)

Note: The gift called ‘Amoi shorin’ (literally- breast feeding charge) is meant to give a special honour to the Mother of the bride for she has nourished the daughter and taken utmost care in her infant stage.

             3. Ajang Chanjey: (Gift to maternal uncle)

                  a.       A dressed chicken

b.      A bottle of wine

c.       A basket of Cookie

d.      A token cash

e.       A khada.

    

Team of Bridal Party includes following designated persons only:

1.      Kundon Gembo Ajang Shangpo (Maternal uncle)

2.      Gyudag Aku (paternal uncle as a cashier)

3.      Bhami (Mediator)

4.      Thapon (an expert specially appointed for breaking through the thorn fencing hurdles at the girl’s house.

5.      Bhagpo or Bridegroom

6.      Leshipo (assigned to take charge of the gift items).

7.      Ledrok 1 (for head loading)

8.      Ledrok 2 (same duty)

Note: In earlier times, the ‘Thapon’ is termed as ‘Kinchen’ (Thief) by the women guards and he has to seat at the centre of the shrine room where he is whipped with nettle during each meal or tea time in the form of ragging. Now a day, this system of ragging is abolished.

CEREMONY:

Marriage ceremony at girl’s house is always signified by the thorn-fencings that are constructed at three places blocking the path leading to the girl’s house within 200 meters. Thorn hurdles made for the boy’s party signifies that the girl is like a precious gem and is not easily obtainable. In order to taunt the Thapon a ‘Samshing Tapu’ or a wooden block horse saddled with an irritable bamboo skin is constructed and placed by the side of the main gate.  All the while in the shrine room normally four lamas are engaged to perform a ceremony called “Yang-khug” to retain fortune so that the fortune of the house may not decline with the departure of the daughter.

On the day of arrival of the groom’s party the path leading to girl’s house is blocked by the village women with fronds of stinging nettle in their hands intended to whip the groom’s party. During this confrontation a person designated as Bhami (Mediator) from groom’s party tells the women guards that all the items for wedding feast have been brought as per the tradition.  He further narrates the significance of this fencing tradition while taking out a khada and ties it on the peg. Then he offers token cash to the leader of the women. Thereafter a person appointed THAPON breaks through the fence with the help of a Chengi (a traditional dragger) and provide safe passage to his group while confronting attacks from the women guards.  In the second hurdle the Bhami tells the women guards that all the relatives of the bride were taken care of with gifts during the Nangchang and then he seeks a formal permission from them to take away the gem (bride). Here too the fence is dismantled by the Thapon.

The third fence is a hurdle meant for the ‘Manglok’, as the leader of the women folks asks the bridal party what respect and regard the bridal party have for them, the Bhami or the mediator tells them that they have brought “Manglok” for them as per tradition, which comprises of 02 bottle of wine, two kgs of beef and cash with khada. At the same time he informs them that the Manglok would be offered once they enter the house. This gift of course pacifies the women folks. However, the women folk obligate the ‘Thapon’ to mount the Samshing Tapu (wooden horse). Here the Thapon narrates his background and offer khada with some cash to the person who made it.   

On entering the bride’s house the leader of the groom’s bridal party, preferably the Ajang Shangpo  prostrates thrice and places a long khada at the altar with a cash offering of 108/-. Thereafter the Bhagpo (bridegroom) prostrates.

Then the Donngyer (Chief caretaker) appointed from the girl’s house, ushers the groom’s entourage to their designated seats and he serves them tea and cookies. After tea, the Bhami goes to Am Mangpo’s room to offer the ‘Manglok’ to escape from the frequent nettle whipping attacks. Thereafter he offers the ‘Nyenkang and Rinzo’ in the Shrine room in presence of all the relatives while explaining the items and also asks for a pardon from the dignitaries if any short fall is observed.

At this juncture, the guardians of the girl strictly warn the boy’s party that they will not tolerate and will act upon, if any undesirable torture or ragging of their daughter comes to their notice. The Boy’s party then tries to reassure them that she will be taken care of like a daughter. After this convention, the party resumes their seats, while the Donger serves ‘Soechung’ (first part of lunch) with Pork Gyari, to the Lamas and the bridal party.

On the other hand, women folks take charge of the bride’s wardrobe, dressing her with traditional Bhutia dress accessorized with ornaments and ‘Khatee’ (Red scarf) to cover up her face. Then she is led to the shrine room, where she first makes prostration thrice and seats herself beside the bridegroom (Bhagpo). At the same time a ‘Jo Bhonpo’ or Shamanist priest is engaged to perform the ‘Khylen’ rites, which is purely a marriage tie up ceremony. The priest invokes all the regional gods, Yakshas and Local Demons to partake the wine filled up in a wooden jar and asked them to bestow prosperity to the couple. He then invokes the ancestral deity of the girl to cast blessing to the couple to have sons to foster the lineage. After this, ‘Soechang’(Millet beer) is served to lamas and the Bridal party with Changshap or kartsi-martsi (spicy chicken snack).

Bada:

This is a scarf offering ritual to the couple wishing them to lead a successful life. Bada also includes token money. This ritual begins with the head lama followed by the Shamanist priest offering his Khada and he is followed by her parents. Only after them, the blood relatives and guests are allowed to offer Khadas. This is a very significant practice and a prescribed protocol to be maintained by all for the good cause of their tradition.

Note: All the designated persons in the groom’s party are entitled to get ‘Bada’. Specially Bhami or mediator gets a special gift called; Bhazen’ comprised of a pork meat preferably from the foreleg, a bottle of wine and a token cash to thank him for playing his role successfully in this matrimonial alliance. 

   

Then the wedding-feast begins with Chang (millet beer) and rich lunch. In the evening, a group of dancer led by their leader commences the traditional songs in the shrine room, which includes ‘Duetse Yarchod’ ritual (wine offering ritual to six designated dignitaries) i.e.

1.      Tshenden Lama (Head lama of the ceremony).

2.      Gonden Ponpo (Leader of the bridal party)

3.      Yapchen Apo. (Bride’s father)

4.      Yumchen Amo. (Bride’s Mother)

5.      Tasha zhonbo (Bride groom) and

6.      Menchung Zhjonbo (Bride)

This is followed by chanting of ‘Beh’ or Hymn. ‘Beh’ as per ancient tradition, is the duty of ‘Thapon’ to chant when he is asked to partake the ceremonial wine. However, today an expert from the village is specially assigned to chant the ‘Beh’ instead of Thapon. 

Thereafter they begin ‘Zhungllu’ the country songs inclusive of ‘Zudruk’ worship ritual. Thereafter, the dancers continue the programme with folk songs which lasts till midnight.

Next day, according to the auspicious time, the groom’s party enters the Lhakhang where the Yangkhuk Lama performs over ritual for the departure of the bride by offering khadas to all. At the same time some younger girls or sister-in-laws are busy hiding away the right-side shoe of the groom. This is tackled by the mediator pleading them to return the shoe by offering a khada with token cash. But the girls haggle with the token cash, which embarrass the bridal party to some extent.

Thereafter, the bridge is then mounted on a horse (colour of which is determined by her horoscope) and the bridal party proceeds to the bridegroom’s house. These days the horse is replaced with cars.

The bride is escorted by following designated relatives:

Bham Bhadey:

a)      Bhagpon Ajang Shangpo (Maternal uncle)

b)      Gyabten Anyi (Father’s sister)

c)      Gyab Phaming (Brother)

d)      Bhagro (the bride companion)

e)      Khyungbagko ( a person designated to carry her gifts meant for the groom’s parents)

Note: Persons other than the above blood relatives are not entitled to escort the bride. In some cases, an expert or a village elder is requested to lead the entourage in case the ‘Bhagpon Ajang Shangpo’ as mentioned above, is physically handicapped or unavailable.

5.      TASHI CHANTHUNG: (Second part of the wedding):

The ceremony conducted at the boy’s house is called ‘Tashi Changthung’. Here the procedure is followed as under:

A.     ‘Thapso’ is arranged at a distance which is approximately three hundred meters from the boy’s house and a team of women led by one elderly male are assigned to greet the Bham Bhadey (Bride’s entourage). The place of Thapso is constructed with a curtain made upon three branched pegs. In front of which traditional seats and tables are arranged for the bride’s party. Once they arrive on the spot Chang and tea are served. The leader of the party sprinkles the chang as a gesture of worshipping the local deities.

B.     ‘Thapra’ is constructed with water filled up in three bamboo cylinder and pile of three bundles of wood supported by a fence built upon three branched pegs. Here, the Bridal party is stopped where the leader of the bride’s party tie scarves to three posts and then sprinkle water from bamboo cylinders whereby he pleads the girl’s guardian deities to return back. He also pays homage to the house Gods of the boy and tells that he came to hand over the Gem (Bride).

C.     ‘Gektoed’ is performed at the main entrance by the lamas to remove the demon’s effect from the girl’s party.

D.     Namoi Temdey. The Bride, according to her horoscope, has to perform one kind of domestic work such as preparing tea, tending fire or placing a pot of water to the oven, which is supervised by her mother-in-law.  Then she is led to the Lhakhang.

In Lhakhang, she has prostrates thrice and takes her seat.  The leader also has to prostrate three times and offer long Khada with token cash to the Altar. Thereafter tea is served by Donngyer while Tashi lama performs ‘Chamchoe’ or tea offering prayer. This is followed by offering gifts to the boy’s parents.

Afterwards, the Thapon and the Bhami traditionally hand over the Bride to the parent of the boy with a traditional Rhyme. The parents while giving them the protocol seats reciprocates with gifts as listed below entitled for the Thapon and the Bhami as per tradition.

A.     Bhami or mediator:

a.       A dressed Chicken

b.      A bottle of Wine

c.       A Basket of Cookie

d.      A long khada with token cash

B.     Thapon:

a)      Pork shakey weighing 3 kgs.

b)      A bottle of wine

c)      A long khada with token cash

Thereafter, Sochung (first part of lunch) is served to lamas and the Bridal party.

After Sochung, with permission from the Tashi lama ‘Kheylen’ is performed by a lay Priest in which he invokes the boy’s ancestral deities to shower blessing to the couple. Specially he asks the House Deity to accept the bride as a gem of the house. This is followed by Bada ritual, in which Tashi lama, Priest and boy’s parent offer Khadas to bless the couple. The bride’s entourage are also entitled for ‘Bada’. The feast then begins with Chang and Dumzi (meat item) followed by rich lunch. The guests also offer khadas to couple wishing them prosperous married life. The celebration continues with traditional songs and dances till mid night. In the evening the Tashi lama place a ‘Tashi Torma’ on the head of the couple as a gesture of blessing and hand over the same to them to keep it in their room.

It is a customary to arrange ‘Nangjin’ or cash gift with two bottles of wine to the singing party from the girl’s party. Next day, the girl’s entourage returns while the boys party gives vote of thanks to all the members with Khada and cash gift who volunteered to extend their help for making the ceremony successful as per the custom followed in the villages. With this the wedding comes to an end.

PYIDZONG:

A year after the marriage when the married couple returns home with presents for the parents and relatives in the form of GOZUK, the parents again invites all the blood relatives to lunch party. Pyidzong is arranged as per the prevalent custom which means to say that the quantum of gold which was received as bride’s price during the marriage has to be returned with equal value of gold from the girl’s parents supplemented by many other household items like beddings, crockery and domestic animals etc. In addition to this, blood relatives also give kind or cash in the form of gift to the couple. This signifies the newly married couple to start their new household life.

NOTE: There are slight variation in marriage custom from region to region, yet this is the basic procedure that is followed by the majority of Lhopos or Bhutias of Sikkim.

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